Saturday, March 28, 2009

Example #7

Her: "Did you hear the news about Boston?"
Me: "No, what?"
Her: "It was voted the worst city to live in."

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Example #6

Me: "So good news, I was talking to my friend at work and rumor is they're keeping all the specialty teachers next year, meaning me. He said we'll know for sure early April."
Her: "Well I thought you don't like teaching."
Me: "It's not that I don't like it, I just don't think it's what I want to do forever."
Her: "Well if you don't get out now, you never will."
Me: "I'm 22, I've worked there for 4 months, I think I have time."
Her: "You don't. There's no time. You need a career. Next thing you know, you're going to be 40 years old, still teaching in the slums of Brooklyn, a single mom with three half-black children and another one on the way. There's your future. Have fun."

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Example #5

Her: "I wish ***** got you pregnant. Then you'd have to move back to Boston."
Me: "First of all, that's a horrible thing to say. Second of all, why couldn't I raise my fake baby here?"
Her: "You are clearly incapable. It would have fetal alcohol syndrome."
Me: "I obviously wouldn't drink while I was pregnant."
Her: "I know you. Yes you would. Things would be going fine then there would be some lonely New Year's Eve..."
Me: "I'm done with this conversation."

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Examples #2, #3 and #4

(I made a mix CD for a boy who I had been hanging out with who recently moved..)

Her: "That's weird. That's like a nice, girly thing to do, not like you at all. Why did you do that? You're so weird, weirdo."

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Her: "Ew! Look at your toe, you have some kind of foot fungus! Gross!"
Me: "Kelly, that's nailpolish."

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(We were watching the Superbowl and a commercial for Bruce Springsteen's halftime show comes on..)

Her: "That redhead's his wife, betcha didn't know that, dumbass!"

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And just for kicks,
Kelly made-out with an Arab man wearing sunglasses inside the bar last night and her friend's younger brother the night before.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Example #1

Me: I'm going to smoke a cigarette in my room.
(She has many diseases, therefore, being considerate.)

Her: Shut your door and close your mouth.